Epilogue - 009

Epilogue - 009

"Welcome home, Stanley the Tool," said Maggie, standing formally with her hands folded in front of her.

Stanley was all smiles, as the dwagon pulled up beside the tower and hovered. All fake, plastic smiles and charm, like a vice principal on Parents Night.

"Maggie!" He waved happily to his Thinkamancer, and pointed to Sizemore with a lot of teeth showing. "And...you. Good to see you."

Sizemore smiled at even this pathetic recognition. He drew himself to attention. "Lord Stanley, welcome ba-"

"Heyyyy, Lord Hamster!" said Stanley, "Or should I be calling you,'Lord Hotshot?' Huh? Huh?"

At Kinko's, Parson's boss had once returned from vacation, sporting a tan and a carrying a coconut, which he put into the break room "for the shift to share." It sat there unopened for two months and then disappeared. Parson didn't figure they were about to do even that well. "Hi, Tool."

Stanley put his hands on his hips and looked around, nodding with satisfaction. "Looks like things turned out all right here!"

Parson looked around too, then shrugged slightly. "Yeah," he conceded. "For...certain values of 'all' and 'right.'"

Stanley looked at Parson's stony face for a moment. "Looook. I think I owe you an apology."

That was not among the top thousand things Parson would have expected the Tool to say. He raised an eyebrow. "Do you."

"Hamster... It's like this." Stanley sat up a bit in the saddle. The dwagon snorted a little red flame. "The Titans always have a plan. Okay? But sometimes our part in the plan isn't clear, and we make a wrong turn or two. Here and there."

"That's what Wanda was saying."

"Right! And look how things worked out for her. Really, really well." Stanley looked distant. "Really well." No, more like lost. He shook his head. "What was I saying?"

"I don't know, Tool," said Parson. "I could swear I heard you say the word 'apology,' but that can't be right."

"Oh right! Right," said Stanley. He looked down at his dwagon's neck, blew out a breath, and looked up at Parson. "I should never have left the city. That was a mistake."

"Really. Ya think?"

"Oh I mean you did pretty good here on your own. Well..." Stanley looked down at the ground, craning his neck over the dwagon's. "You did break the mountain. But hey, like they say, you can't make an omelet without...you know."

"Blowing up a city full of people."

"Or whatever. But I'm saying, it worked out okay." Stanley raised his index finger. "But just think how much better it all could have turned out if I'd stuck around. You know, to give you some guidance."

Maggie, who had been standing in stiff silence, let out a tiny choking sound. Parson's poker face did not even flicker.

"Oh yeah, we could've blown up the whole world."

"So here's what I'm thinking," said Stanley, regaining his stride. "I was just talking to Prince Ansom. He says you did pretty good for your first time out. He had a lot of positive things to say about you, Hamster."

"Really? That's awesome," said Parson. "Did he like the part where I killed him?"

Stanley's fake smile went a little crooked. "Not a lot, no." He cleared his throat. "Actually, that was a part he kinda criticized. Said you could have done things a little more nobly. Well, not 'Noble' noble but...with a little more honor."

Parson just looked at him.

"But see, that's the kind of thing you wouldn't know, because you're new. Prince Ansom? He's a veteran. He's led tons of winning battles. Most of 'em against us, ha ha!" There was no detectable humor in Stanley's laugh. "So I was thinking, you know, we've got a lot of tough battles ahead. We're gonna go out there and take back all our cities, and then see where we go from there, right?"

"I guess," shrugged Parson. "That's your call."

"Well we are. And I think maybe our best use of resources here would be to get Ansom to lead that push. I mean we already know he can take those cities, right? He took 'em from us. Ha ha."

Parson's lips were tight. "Fine."

"And we're not even sure you've got move, right? You'd need to be promoted from garrison unit... No, I think for the time being, I'd like to keep you right here in the capital where I can mentor you." Stanley gave him a smile and a finger point. "You've got potential, kiddo. I really mean that. I think we could shape you up and turn you into a real champion."

"Fine," Parson said again.

Stanley looked at him carefully, trying to read his face. "You understand where I'm going with this? I'm gonna make Ansom Chief Warlord."

"Yes. I get it." And God, what a relief.

Stanley smiled, more genuinely this time. "Good, I--"

"Are you barking mad?"

Parson, Stanley, and Sizemore all looked at Maggie in surprise. She had stepped forward into the middle ground between Parson and Stanley, and had a gaze of steel fixed on her Overlord.

"You have the perfect warlord at your disposal, Lord! And you're going to field the warlord he defeated, no...humiliated in battle?"

"Watch your tone with me, Caster," Stanley said with a quiet air of cold threat. "You're out of line."

But Maggie intended to stay out of line. Without removing her eyes from Stanley's, she pointed back at Parson. "This man was placed in a hopeless military position. Yet he stood up and took action, time and again. He tore apart his enemy piece by piece, sapping their resources and their morale, manipulating them from a position of strength to one of vulnerability and chaos, with such thoughtful cunning and insight as you would never--"

"Maggie!" Parson snapped, "Back off. It's fine."

She turned to him, still carried by the momentum of her outrage. "It is not."

"It is. This is a good decision." He looked up at Stanley, who could not seem to make sense of the two of them. "Ansom should lead the army," Parson said with gravity. "I resign as Chief Warlord."

Stanley looked at him for a long, long moment. He cleared his throat. "Really?"

Parson shrugged and turned for the tower doorway.

"Beats the shit out of a coconut. I'll be in my quarters."

Comic - Epilogue - 009

Recent posts... (See full thread)
raphfrk wrote:
gameboy1234 wrote:
Why would it be ironic? Because you assume Wanda wants war and violence?

Because she is portrayed as ruthless and manipulative and her caster type is an "evil" type.

Necromancy need not be evil. Or, well, "Croakamancy" in Erfworld terms. Generally, it PROBABLY is ... but not necessarily.

Much like fire ... it matters more what you DO with the tool in question, than, the nature of that tool itself.
All along, I have cherished the thought that Stanley is a total boop-tard when it comes to strategy, but I have to admit moose-o-death makes some very convincing points. It helps that Stanley has mostly good options, now. If Stanley is maneuvering to protect himself from his underlings (chiefly Wanda) that might slow down his world-conquest ambitions. GK could end up like the Roman Empire in the second half, where no Emperor after Augustus would allow any general to make any conquests for fear of being deposed.
one other thing that occured to me and i forgot about.

only overlords can build units. wanda will never have arkentool based units.

maybe the decrypted thing is the tradeoff. the only other way we can have units made by the arkenpliers is if wanda's "loyalty" to stanley adds her unique units to his contruction lists. at which case it's dubious he'd build them anyway. so we may have to build our own conclusions on that chain of thought for a while
I wonder if anyone else thinks that Stanley doesn't want Parson out there, because he now sees him as too valuable? He would be a better tactician to have at your side. OR--

Spoiler: show
Potentially a new heir/protege from Stanley's standpoint.
moose o death wrote:

only overlords can build units. wanda will never have arkentool based units.

The comment that the hammer caused dwagons to go to sleep indicates that Stanley can probably obtain them by capturing/taming them as well as by building them.

The current set of decrypted units could represent Wanda/the pliers' "field-capture" method of acquiring its special unit. However, there doesn't seem to be an equivalent mechanism for popping them. A pop-able decrypted unit might just be a unit without upkeep requirements. (In fact, it has been suggested that they should use the pop-croak-decrypt method of generating zero-upkeep units).

Also, this could be the reason why the pliers attuned to Wanda. Perhaps, (as was suggested on the OOTI forum), Arkentools only attune to those who are fated to be Rulers, but that the pliers are an exception as they don't have a build-able unit.

Ofc, this would rule out Sizemore and Maggie even obtaining one.

Alternatively, a unit may just need to have a significant destiny to be eligible.

is if wanda's "loyalty" to stanley adds her unique units to his contruction lists. at which case it's dubious he'd build them anyway. so we may have to build our own conclusions on that chain of thought for a while

There was no comment that Stanley becoming ruler suddenly allowed GK to pop dwagons, so it seems likely that Saline was able to build them once Stanley found the hammer.

Alternatively, all sides may be able to pop dwagons, but they immediately attack as the pop as wild dwagons. (Ofc, that would mean that the latest dwagon would have attacked Parson and Wanda).
dwagons could be a local unit to gobwin knob though. but i do see your point.

however given stanley was a trusted unit by saline if they WERE added to his construction list. we can probably assume he'd be more than happy to make his trusted warlords more powerful.

the same can't be said for wanda's current position and stanley. the last few updates are pointing pretty heavily at stanley not trusting her with anything sharp and his back.

we can't be sure that the rules apply in the same way to wanda as they did to stanley ( not enough info to judge charlescomm) stanley was a wralord and seems to have gained poppable units, and offensive magic. wanda is a caster and seem to have gained a massive boost to her inherrant class magic. maybe she has a completely unrelated poppable unit or due to her lack of leadership she has no attuned units. a sort of game balancing feature for their universe, despite me not liking the terms.
it's only natural that he wants ansome to go and parson to stay, he just got a tool taken from right under his nose, even if it is a minion who got it, that's still a pain. Ansom was not able to use his tool, of course that may have just been due to the spicific item, but in any case Stan wants the guy who can't take his toys, to be the guy looking for them.
hay guys,

is the word 'shit' on the boop list?
hay guys,

is the word 'shit' on the boop list?

It was used by Parson shortly after he was removed as chief warlord.
does the forum boop our swearing? i've been on good behaviour so haven't seen it yet. but i'm telling you aussies can't keep this up forever. the f bomb is the australian version of "umm"