Book 2 - Text Updates 030

Book 2 - Text Updates 030

Ace stopped his pacing for a moment, and leaned with his rear end against the table full of accessories. He looked out the window at the enemy flyers, floating slowly by at eye level. "Let me tell you a little story, my friend," he said through clenched teeth.

Cubbins arched his eyebrows, and his mouth tightened into a little line. "Is it, um, the same story you always tell, Ace?"

Ace snapped his head around and glared at the little Hat Magician over one powerful shoulder.

"That's right," he barked. In the stone-walled room, his words rattled the air like the beats of a corporal's snare drum. The squad of elite archers in the corner glanced at him in cowed silence.

"It's the one story I got. The story I gotta live with. My origin story." He crossed his enormous, muscular arms and smiled a narrow-eyed smile. "Only this time, Cubbins, this time, for the first time...it's got a happy ending."

He threw his head back and aimed his words at the ceiling. He wanted the archers to hear this, though he wouldn't give so much as a boot-rag for any three of 'em. "This is the story of Holly Shortcake, Chief Dollamancer of Jetstone."

Cubbins frowned. "How can that story have a happy ending?"

Ace grinned like a bobcat. "Well for her it can't. Hahaha!" He pounded the hardwood table, making some of the implements on it jump. "I meant happy for me. This is a great day!"

"Oh," said Cubbins. He set one of his hats, a silk top conjurer, on the table. He was careful not to let it touch Ace's things.

"I never met her," said Ace, "and it's just as well, 'cause I hate her all the same. And you know why."

He turned his head and scowled at the archers. "You all know anything about Dollamancy?" They stared at him dumbly, or looked at the floor. Some mumbled quiet negatives. "Course not. You don't know. Cubbins here knows, 'cause he's a smart Caster. Right, Cubbins?"

Cubbins cleared his throat. "There are different applications of Dollamancy," he told the men, his tone reserved and apologetic. "Lady Shortcake was fond of fashioning cloth golems. She was very imaginative."

"Precious, puffy-looking animals," sneered Ace. "The hit of the parade. And when she wasn't doing that, she was always designing new raiment for the changing fashions at court! So of course, all the Courtiers loved her. N'you know what I think of Courtiers, right?"

Cubbins forced a tight little smile. "Yeah, Ace."

"Yeah, you do," said Ace. He pointed a finger to the air. "And so do they! Anyway. She made lots of these adorable lumbering cloth creatures, most of which I guess were okay in battle, too. But she didn't really give a crap about stomping the enemy flat! She worked plush! And glass!"

Ace's jaw set sternly for a moment, and he looked around the room. "Look, there's a lot you can do in Dollamancy. It's fabrication with a motion element, right? If we want. But that's way over your heads, ain't it?"

The archers stared.

"I'm just saying, it doesn't have to be all raiment and animal golems. It can get really good!" He punctuated this by punching his open palm. "You got all kinds of Stuff you can do. I do plush, but I don't like it. I don't like dolls, either. That pervert they got in Transylvito...eesh. That ain't me, all right?"

Ace stared into the distance for a moment. Then a movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and he snapped his head around. One of the archers had a hand half-raised.

"What?"

"Um, sorry Lord. What happened to Lady Shortcake?" said the man. A couple of his comrades looked at him askance.

"Oh right, the story. Eh, you don't need the long version," said Ace. "Basically, she went out on a mission to deliver some Battle Bears. They went into the woods, but they were in for a big surprise. Ambush. Not even her disguise saved her."

The archer looked saddened, but said nothing.

"Apparently all of Jetstone mourned her, though. They had a parade, the works, et cetera. King Slately was at a loss for what to do without a Dollamancer. They were all set to rewrite the side's whole strategy. When bam! I popped in Dhrystone."

Ace stood up and resumed pacing the room. "Dollamancy is Fate magic, so I know something about that. Jetstone must've been fated to have a Dollamancer. But I ain't like that broad they had before!" He stalked over to the archer who had asked the question and pointed at him. "You! What's my title?"

The archer swallowed. "Lord Hardware."

"That's right!" barked the Dollamancer. "And that's what I was popped for! Not golems, not dolls, not scarecrows. Action figures! And not raiment. Accessories! Hardware!"

His fists were clenched at his side. His rippling back muscles tightened, making the enormous multi-bow accessory he kept harnessed there rise up a few inches. His voice became quietly harder.

"But they didn't see it that way."

He turned and walked back to the table. "I've served under four Chief Warlords now. The first two had me making Cloth Golems and Tchotchkes under Holly Shortcake's designs, and the rest of my juice goes for raiment. Only Ossomer let me spend any real effort on what I was meant to do. And then only accessories! I made him that bracer blaster, with force beam action, that really lights up! And he loved it! He was gonna let me do more of that stuff, but the war hasn't been going so great..."

Ace looked up and seemed to notice Cubbins for the first time. His shoulders slumped and his fists unclenched. "That's where you've helped me out, buddy."

Cubbins smiled a little, and Ace turned back toward the archers. He pointed at the Hat Magician. "This guy... I woulda gone crazy without my friend Cubbins here. You know that? Cause he saw I was hurtin'. He could see it. And one turn he said to me, 'you know, I can do some small object conjuration for you. You just have to tell me what you need.'"

Ace gestured at the wooden table, full of hooks, rope, looking glasses, backpacks, chains, horseshoes, bows, missiles, and odd parts. "Almost everything you see here, Cubbins helped me put together in our spare time. Some of it's unfinished junk, but most of it works and you can take it into battle. Which today, this turn...we're finally gonna do. This is a great day! A great day!"

He slapped the table with an open palm, then turned to pace again.

"We're gonna show Prince Tramennis how useful the right kind of Dollamancy can be. Let's make him an accessory special to this fight." He suddenly ran up to Cubbins eagerly. "Whaddya say! You wanna?"

Cubbins shrugged. "We haven't been ordered..."

"Come on," begged the Dollamancer. "For me, Cubbins. I need this fight! It's a lock we'll win it. But this is my one chance to be in a battle with the new Chief Warlord."

"Ehhh..." Cubbins tilted his head dubiously.

"C'mon, pal! It's how I can get my happy ending. I gotta show him just how helpful Ace Hardware can be!"

Cubbins smiled slightly, and nodded even more slightly.

"Okay, Ace. What do you need?"

Comic - Book 2  Text Updates 030

Recent posts... (See full thread)
Sieggy wrote:
Quote:
I suspect you may feel differently once subjected to the needle-nosed plier treatment. Or not, as the case may be. :D


Hey! That's how I take care of nose hairs . . .


It should then be a cinch to sell people on a full arkentool treatment... :P
DevilDan wrote:
Sieggy wrote:
Quote:
I suspect you may feel differently once subjected to the needle-nosed plier treatment. Or not, as the case may be. :D


Hey! That's how I take care of nose hairs . . .


It should then be a cinch to sell people on a full arkentool treatment... :P
Are we using the 'Hammer for... er... "Reverse Phrenology?"
Spoiler: show
Applying bumps to peoples' heads to change their personality.
Hey . . . I just realized (it's been niggling in my subconscious) how much Ace resembles Chip Hazard from 'Small Soldiers', which might explain his focus on 'accessories' and his gear . . .
Raza wrote:
I can really envision him pacing around with exaggerated movements like a digitally animated action figure.

Sieggy wrote:
Hey . . . I just realized (it's been niggling in my subconscious) how much Ace resembles Chip Hazard from 'Small Soldiers', which might explain his focus on 'accessories' and his gear . . .

That's the one! That's exactly what I was thinking of.

Chip Hazard is clearly one of Hardware's references/models. Good call.
I think Ace's face looks more like Shepherd from A.P.E.X. (1994): http://www.badmovies.org/movies/apex/apex8.jpg.

He's not an action figure, but when I saw that movie, I was struck by how much he looked like one.
Hiai wrote:
Oberon wrote:
... and the majority of fandom who support the Kingworld spell (The costuming and names led up to this, it was so natural!) wouldn't even blink.

/sigh. Was this really you just trying to claim that "not having a huge problem w/ Kingworld"= "you can do anything you want and we won't notice as long as the art as pretty"?? Or perhaps you are saying such people will automatically retcon anything they see?
Please refrain from characterizing my words as anything other than what they precisely state. Setting up your straw men doesn't lend you any validity.
gameboy1234 wrote:
Or reveal that they decrypt with zero juice initially, or something that limits their abilities. Still, I won't be surprised if it happens and casters are immediately at full potential after being decrypted.
We've seen that injured units become instantly uninjured upon decryption. Thus, if decrypted casters are still casters, it is only natural to assume that they will have full juice upon repopping.
Y'know, for some reason, and please nobody yell at me for saying this, I can see Wanda sneak-decrypting a fellow caster, and then later on them needing to repop the caster at full juice.....

Parson gives the order: "Wanda, croak that caster, then decrypt him."

Wanda's Response: "Err....about that...."
Oberon wrote:
Hiai wrote:
Oberon wrote:
He can be shown to tunnel up under Wanda's forces and get gunned down by Ace Hardware's new anti-caster arrow, and the majority of fandom who support the Kingworld spell (The costuming and names led up to this, it was so natural!) wouldn't even blink.

/sigh. Was this really you just trying to claim that "not having a huge problem w/ Kingworld"= "you can do anything you want and we won't notice as long as the art as pretty"?? Or perhaps you are saying such people will automatically retcon anything they see?
Please refrain from characterizing my words as anything other than what they precisely state. Setting up your straw men doesn't lend you any validity.
Well, seeing as how I'm one who has argued in favor of the positives of Kingworld, I'll confess that I see a conflict in your characterization of that fandom, at least from my point of view.

The costuming and names clearly led up to KingWorld. I wouldn't characterize it as a 'natural' result, as much as I would call it 'appropriately foreshadowed in retrospect'.
All *mancer linked results are by definition unnatural. They all do things that are not supposed to be done. They all 'break the rules', each in a different way.
The fact that Sizemore hasn't been shown anywhere near the main battle, the fact that casters are already inherently fragile, and the fact that the death would be senseless (unless additional context is provided for his death) means that I, for one, would have a HUGE problem with Ace blasting Sizemore.

I would characterize KingWorld as 'an unnatural and game-breaking action in a story that already has demonstrated unnatural and game-breaking actions, which was elegantly foreshadowed from an oblique pop-culture reference angle and provides for a dramatic turn of events which allows the protagonist to progress in the story'. I would not characterize Sizemore getting gunned down at this stage to be remotely equivalent, since there has been no indication that he is even involved, and Ace has only been introduced for one updated (unlike Vanna, who was established well before in the summer updates).

Having said all this, and acknowledging that you do not see the KingWorld event in the same light as I do, I confess that I do read a considerable amount of condescension in your post. I also acknowledge that internet posts are not an ideal medium for conveying nuance, and so, like I suspect Hiai was trying to imply, I'd like you to clarify the intent of your words.
MarbitChow wrote:
Oberon wrote:
Please refrain from characterizing my words as anything other than what they precisely state. Setting up your straw men doesn't lend you any validity.

Having said all this, and acknowledging that you do not see the KingWorld event in the same light as I do, I confess that I do read a considerable amount of condescension in your post. I also acknowledge that internet posts are not an ideal medium for conveying nuance, and so, like I suspect Hiai was trying to imply, I'd like you to clarify the intent of your words.


Agreed. No one takes issue with Oberon or anyone else posing a contrary view. I (and apparently others) do take issue, however, with the way in which such contrary views are posed.

The one rule of this forum is don't be a jerk. Dismissing as mindless fanboys "the majority" of certain groups of people just because they disagree with you crosses over this line, IMO.
BLANDCorporatio wrote:
Alternatively, TPK, everyone dies EXCEPT Lady Sylvia .
Not far from the truth for a >2 year old prediction... for a moment at least. :D