Prologue - 023

Prologue - 023

Turns since TBfGK: 38

"I didn't think I was much of a 'routine' guy," Parson said to Maggie, as they reached the corner of Whopper and Smithers.

Parson had decided to name all of the east-west streets in Gobwin Knob after Simpsons characters, and all of the north-south avenues after foods he missed. This meant that there was an intersection of Homer and Donut near the center of town, which he called "D'oh Plaza." He'd even had the Twolls make street signs and numbers for the building fronts.

"But honestly, I'm settling into this. Breakfast, do rounds, lunch, do sims with Jack, dinner, read in the library, or hang out with Sizemore and talk magic. It's kinda nice. Needs weekends, but it's not bad."

"Mm," said Maggie, walking beside him. They turned up Whopper Avenue toward the bank on Burns Street. "Just as long as being a warlord is in there somewhere, Lord."

He knew what she was getting at. They had walked and talked often enough now. Even with a lot of his tactics and ideas getting implemented at the front, Maggie still thought he was wasting his talents. She was pretty stubborn on that point. It came up all the time.

Still, for reasons Parson couldn't put his finger on, Maggie was his favorite walking companion on city rounds. This made four days in a row that she had gone with him. She was sharp at conversation, a challenge. She could completely kick his ass with one sentence. That was fun.

He walked along, looking down at the tip of his Hamstard walking stick as it tapped the bricks at his feet. "Maggie...I'm doing what I can. You know?"

She looked up at him cooly, her gray eyes shining out like an owl's in the shade of her pith helmet. "I know, Lord."

"See that's what I'm saying. I'm kind of finding stuff out here...about myself. Like, how the hell was I supposed to know how I felt about death...about causing death?" said Parson. He didn't feel like adding, "until I did it." He was having a hard enough time just responding to Wanda's requests for tactical advice. Fortunately, he didn't have to do much but play Mathamancer, run the calculations, and say, "yeah, that'll work" to Ansom's fairly solid plans. The one time he'd said "no, bad plan" they'd done it anyway. And that was all just tactics; he wasn't planning strategy. He was off the hook, right?

"You do have some terribly unorthodox personal views, Lord," said Maggie. A strange little smile curled at one corner of her mouth. "One in particular, I find intriguing."

"Oh yeah?" The bank building came into view, and the two Decrypted Pikers at the door of it snapped to attention.

"Well perhaps I am mistaken, and I am surely well out of line in asking, but have you really had no intimate contact with any of the Archons? Are you celibate, Lord?"

Parson stopped in his tracks. Yeah. That would be one of those kick-your-ass sentences. "Hold that thought," he said tersely.

They crossed the remaining ground to the bank. Maggie followed Parson inside. They walked across the empty common area, with its bare desks and cabinets. Parson peeked in the empty vault, then they walked back and out without a word.

About a block away from the bank, Parson said, "Sorry. I didn't feel like talking about that in front of Wanda's dudes."

She cleared her throat. "I see, Lord. But they are your 'dudes,' are they not? Certainly they are our dudes."

"Um, I'm not completely sure," said Parson, frowning and looking back over his shoulder. "From what I can tell, they're like the dwagons are with Stanley. They're loyal to the 'pliers, and therefore to Cruella herself. For all I know, she can see through their eyes and hear what they hear. But if not, they'll prob'ly just tell her anything interesting when they can."

Maggie nodded affirmatively, "Ahhh. I see. In that light, your reluctance to approach the Archons for...that sort of thing is perfectly understandable. Sorry to have brought it up, Lord."

He nodded. They walked on for a bit. He knew he should leave it at that. Really, really should. But...

"It's not just that," Parson said. He stopped, and turned to look at her. "Yes, Wanda looking out of some Archon's eyes? That is...an extremely creepy thought. But it's really not what skeeves me out about it. It's more like..."

He struggled for how to put it. Maggie was a kung fu master of the neutral expression, but Parson had played a lot of poker. He could see the tiniest little smile around her eyes. It meant she was enjoying this conversation way too much.

"Okay well it's like...what I was saying before. I've never had that power before, and I don't know how I feel about it. If I understand things right, I could just like, order an Archon to take off her clothes and drop to her knees. And she'd do it, right?"

Maggie's eyes did something entirely different this time, they sort of flashed. "An Archon, or any unit, Lord."

"Okay well...it doesn't work like that where I'm from," said Parson uncomfortably. "We actually have laws against that...against people in power taking advantage of their underlings or whatever. For that. I mean I seriously would not have expected to react this way to this situation, but it feels wrong to me."

Maggie smiled at him, her eyes crinkling. "What an utterly alien thing to think. But also, utterly charming."

"Graah. C'mon," Parson said, and continued up the avenue. They turned the corner at Maggie Street (the name had led to an interesting discussion on an earlier outing), and he saw the street was clear of Decrypted. "Y'know maybe if one of them was actually interested in me... But even then, I've got another problem. One that probably trumps the other two."

Maggie's tone darkened. "I see, Lord. Are you unable?"

"No! Jesus!" shouted Parson, throwing up his hands. "I'm talking about compatibility. Physical compatibility."

Maggie's laugh echoed down the street.

"What, seriously?"

"Maggie I'm about twice the size of everybody here," he said to her, in earnest. "What if I...can't? What if I, y'know hurt her?"

Maggie laughed again. "What if you cleave her in twain with your mighty broadsword?" she giggled. "What if your siege-ram is...is too grand for the gates?" Her giggle fit continued until she calmed herself with a deep, grinning breath. "Oh. All men exaggerate their stats, Lord. You all imagine a weapon bonus that isn't there. If you do break her like a...feral mount of some sort, then I suppose she'll heal fully at dawn. But the memories will last her a lifetime."

She took his arm at the elbow and smirked up at him. They continued together down the street. "I will be very busy next turn, Lord. Why don't you ask an Archon or two to accompany you on your rounds tomorrow?"

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dirocyn wrote:

Second, Maggie is a size queen and assumes the Archons are as well. The larger the battering ram, the more pleasurable--a fairly juvenile way of looking at the world, perhaps, but not unprecedented. Parson is not so very much bigger than Erfworlders. I know a couple where the man is 6'2" and weighs over 300 lbs and the woman is 5' and weighs less than 120, they have a child. They look a bit like Parson and Maggie, actually--she sometimes wears a pith helmet. But seriously, unless Parson is already hung like a horse by Earth standards, there's not going to be a problem.


your example is two humans

now take your 300pound 6 foot tall guy and partner him with a 50 pound 3 foot tall woman. the erf units are proportional to parson. if they were simply smaller versions of his species certain parts would be disproportionate, this was why i was looking for images with little people and regular sized people. i'll resume that hunt

https://dl.getdropbox.com/u/937971/smallpeople.jpg

ok you can see here these two little people, the shoulders are almost as broad as the guys behind. the heads are almost the same size, the wave after wave of midget porn i found with this image, the womans hips were about as wide as the male (they were close together which made that guestimation easier) so while they wouldn't be quite as well equipped to carry children. it could be downright dangerous. they are at least disproprtionate enough to be compatible fairly easily.

but now take an average height woman with the ideal body shape ratio's. scale her down to the four foot tall mark erfworlders appear to be. assuming 6 foot tall is average (it is for men in aus) your looking at a woman where all those components right down too the hip bones are 33% smaller.

our woman can stretch to facilitate childbirth, erf woman may or may not it's not an issue generally.


but because i want to stop discussing this, and rob hasn't seen fit to move us on yet, i doubt it's going to be an issue. parson is a bit overweight. i doubt he's hung like a horse. anything that starts internal and moves to the exterior...wont be as long if it needs to travel further
also my theory of parson being an erfworlder unit from MK, and earth being planted memories or a custom designed existence that could teach a warlord mathamancy, and war theory. but i wont go there in this topic
Actually, I'd rather have that sort of "brains in vats" discussion, never-ending as it may be, than further discussions of the physiology of sexual relations between partners of different builds.
well you know if we were just all brains in vats it would make this entire story much more plausible. There wouldn't really be any physiology to worry about cause it would all just be in the imagination. Oh but I don't like brains in vats. There must still be a better topic out there, just not in this thread (as hard as we tried to get it off topic).

Quote:
also my theory of parson being an erfworlder unit from MK, and earth being planted memories or a custom designed existence that could teach a warlord mathamancy, and war theory


Also, that's a little out there moose.
Emaria wrote:

Quote:
also my theory of parson being an erfworlder unit from MK, and earth being planted memories or a custom designed existence that could teach a warlord mathamancy, and war theory


Also, that's a little out there moose.


My theory is that Parson wasn't actually summoned into Erfworld, he was summoned into Bizarro-Erfworld, where he's a brain in a vat being used to run battle simulations and only imagining he's actually in Erfworld.

Or he's not. It's one or the other, I'm sure!
If he (Parson) is fundementally an erfworld unit, why can't anyone see his stats? And why does he have moral compunctions? Heck, why is he such a different size?

He came from some other ruleset, that much is clear.
There's no theory yet that Erfworld is somehow Earth after a nuclear cataclysm? I'm disappointed. :P
Gez wrote:
There's no theory yet that Erfworld is somehow Earth after a nuclear cataclysm? I'm disappointed. :P


The problem is that Parson is not able to leave GK, so he can't get to a beach :).
raphfrk wrote:
Gez wrote:
There's no theory yet that Erfworld is somehow Earth after a nuclear cataclysm? I'm disappointed. :P


The problem is that Parson is not able to leave GK, so he can't get to a beach :).

"You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, boop you! Titan boop you all to heck!"

The other alternative is: "You cutified it all up!"
I just realized this adds a new level of creepiness to Sizemore's line "There is." In this strip http://www.erfworld.com/book-1-archive/?px=/076.jpg This may explain the Maggie eye-flash.
Ionox wrote:
I just realized this adds a new level of creepiness to Sizemore's line "There is." In this strip http://www.erfworld.com/book-1-archive/?px=/076.jpg This may explain the Maggie eye-flash.


You've inspired me. I now have an Avatar icon.